Archive for the ‘thoughts’ Category

Emotions, GO AWAY!
January 27, 2008

WOW, I’m so ready for hormones to balance out.  Jeremy is too, poor husband of mine.  I am constantly crying and whining about how ‘bad’ I already am as a mother, while in my head I’m telling myself to shut up but I just can’t!  It doesn’t help that my body is completely out of wack and because of the blasted Cardiomyopathy Jeremy and I don’t know what should be causing us alarm and what is normal.

I have had the WORST headache for the past… week or so and it is just getting worse and worse.  Jeremy was clicking a pen and it hurt my head so bad I about strangled him.  I’d normally just write it off as nothing, but since me casually mentioning a headache is what got me induced it worries me that it has something to do with my heart.  The other bizarre thing is that I’m freezing cold 90% of the time.  To the point of shivering.  Jeremy is used to me saying I’m hot and us sleeping with windows open, now all of a sudden I’m layered up and wanting my rooms warmer. 

The Diuretic the doctor has me on for the water retention was not working at all.  Today Jer and I finally noticed a small change in my legs and the swelling.  So much for the “you’ll notice a change within hours”.  I have a check up with the Cardiologist next week so I guess we’ll find out more then.

 Sorry for venting so much, you know how it is. 


More Detail
January 17, 2008

Here’s some detail about the past few days.

I went to the Periantologist on Tuesday and because I’d been having headaches she was worried that Pre-e was coming on fast and wanted to do an amniocentesis. My OB said no and decided that with the Cardiomyopathy and the Pre-e (that just developed) that it would be better to just induce.  Granted at first I didn’t realize that was what they were saying and I was in shock when it hit me. I went straight up to Labor and Delivery at 4:30PM. I had talked to the Periantologist about the c-sec vs. vaginal delivery and she really wanted me to do the vaginal delivery because she believed it would be best for my heart.

They started me on Magnesium Sulfate, light fluids and Pitocen. Once the Pit got going they gave me an epidural right off the bat and then broke my membranes. I had no choice about the epidural because they wanted me to labor as pain free as possible.   Having an Epidural was always a huge fear of mine, but it was SO easy and didn’t hurt in the least.

The labor went very well, the only surprises were that my BP actually dipped so low around 7am wed morning that they had to give me 3 shots of ephedrine to bring it back up. It was hard to believe my BP would be low but it happened. My Epidural ran out for a little while once I was fully dilated but they got it set back up quickly.   Towards the end the monitors (internal and external) wern’t picking up my contractions completly.  They were showing them very weak and yet they were getting worse and worse.  The last nurse I had was commenting about how she wasn’t going to check me for a while when I finally asked her too and she was shocked to see how much I was progressing.  From 6cm on it felt like it went pretty quickly.  When the epidural was getting reloaded they also gave me a shot of something else to help ease the pain so I wouldn’t want to push.  All it seemed to do was knock me out.  I would fall asleep or into a daze between each contraction, even towards the end.  They wouldn’t let me push at first when I was fully dilated. Decided it would stress out my heart, that was VERY hard and finally I was allowed to push a bit after BEGGING and then finally telling the nurse to call the doctor and ask again because I was going to do it anyway. It felt SO much better to push, I can’t even explain the pain when they would just make me lay there and try to do nothing. Finally the Dr got there and he used forceps to help get the little one out while I was allowed to ‘gently’ push to help him.  The forceps were used because they wanted me to do as little work as possible but poor JD has some sad bruises on his little head now.

Jacob Diedrich Arthur M. was born at 10:50am. He is 4 weeks 3 days early. 6lbs. 9oz. and 19 inches long.  Believe it or not the Ultrasound he had done Tuesday morning put him at exactly that weight!  What are the odds?! His lungs are actually good but he is having some problems with too much blood. They have had him on some IV fluids and also taken some of his blood by incerting an IV into his umbilical cord to try and help the situation. He’s been in the nursery since he was born and I got to see him this evening for a little while. That’s the hardest thing… not having him here with me now and knowing he might not come home when I do in a few days.

I hadn’t seen him at all since the delivery and even then it was only for about a minute.  I cried all through dinner.  Lovely hormones and pregnancy.  I was told by one of the first nurses I had that until I was off the IV’s and Magnesium Sulfate with the cathader out I couldn’t get out of bed and so couldn’t see him.  My nurses tonight however cleared things up and let me go down in a wheelchair and I even got to hold him for a little while.  I can’t even explain to you what an experiance it is.

Jeremy has been AMAZING!  He was a great coach during the labor, and he is so excited about his son.  He’s been in the nursery a lot with him, even when I couldn’t be.  He’s dealing well with my emotional post pregnancy self, and the fears I struggle with since I can’t have JD with me all the time yet.

I’m really hoping he is doing well enough to come home with us Friday… the baby shower on Saturday will be interesting if he’s still in the hospital.

View pictures HERE

Bouncing Boy
December 15, 2007

I think to make me feel better about things little Uno has decided to be quite active the past two days!  It’s really helped me focus and enjoy this part of pregnancy, since it’s one of the only things I do enjoy.

It has gotten harder to breath over the past 24 hours.  I am really not enjoying it at all.  I was told tonight that if it gets any worse over the weekend to go straight to the ER.  Since we just got the bill from the trip I took a few weeks ago I’m praying that it levels off and I can wait till Monday to call the Cardiologist.  I am already using 2 pillows to sleep at night and I tried 3 last night but kept getting a kink in my neck.

I have been putting most updates on my normal blog since this PACM has become part of our lives and not just pregnancy related.  HOWEVER not everyone reads this blog so it’s a bit easier for me to be more open, if that makes sense.  Jeremy is having a really hard time with everything that is going on and I think reading the blog posts reminds him again what is going on.  He never looks here so it’s kind of my escape right now.

It’s amazing to me how we can go from worrying where to get $$ for baby things to all of a sudden dealing with the chance of heart failure and learning all kinds of new medical vocabulary words in the matter of a week.  Researching Pregnancy Associated Cardiomyopathy and Peripartum Cardiomyopathy have really helped me fill up my days.  It’s also helped me to focus on the optimistic things and not all the bad things.  I know we have a long road ahead of us.  Even if we are lucky and it goes away after the baby is born I found out that I’ll most likely be medicated with Beta-Blockers and ACE Inhibitors (after the baby is born for that last one) for a year.  It seems so overwhelming to think about.  I am horrible about remembering to take vitamins!

I just wanted to release a little.  I must be ready for bed.

Pregnancy… Always TMI
October 29, 2007

I’m not going to say anything that’s TMI but I believe pregnancy is just 9 months (well 10 technically) of Too Much Information! I had to call the nurse today again about some weird happenings that I couldn’t figure out. She told me to look for one more sign and if it happened to call her back. I wanted to yell at her! This is supposed to be normal?!

Anyway… I’m just grumpy because I think I’ve got the flu or something. At first I thought it was just morning sickness that was back but this weekend I had a fever off and on and have been woozy. Who knows. It’s probably all pregnancy. The only thing she seemed to be concerned about was the fever but when I couldn’t tell her the exact degree she told me next time to write it down and didn’t care anymore. I guess I’m all good. I’m starting to count down the days till I can have my body back. I never really liked my body before but now that I have NO CONTROL of it I’d like it back. Maybe I’ll even be nicer to it. Oh wait… breastfeeding. Well… One day maybe it’ll be all mine again.

I’m starting to agree with Jeremy that this little Uno may be it. Pregnancy is not my bag of bones apparently. And the thought of “trying” again to even keep the baby is just not something emotionally I think I want to deal with. I’m sure in a few years I’ll be all confused and forget that it sucked so much this time and try again, we’ll see. Maybe if I was just pregnant for the 9/10 months and not for 2 months or more 3 times then 9-10 the last. That’s a lot of pregnant!!

Ok… sorry… just had to vent.


Dance Dance
September 30, 2007

The urine cultures came back fine.  No problems there.  I do believe now they were contractions however.  I have had a few sense but not very many so I’m trying not to worry about it.  For the most part it’s settled down.  I was going to head off to Houston this weekend with Jeremy but after having some pains Friday we decided it might not be the smartest thing to do.

Baby Uno is moving like crazy now days.  It’s nice to feel it multiple times a day.  Surefire way’s to feel the movement seem to be pop-tarts or listening to Mika.  Odd I know.  Steph, Mom and I were cleaning the kitchen yesterday and we had Mika on the ipod.  My nephews were dancing around like mad men.  No more than a minute later so was baby Uno.  It was fun.

Can’t wait for the big ultrasound… Only 10 more days!! 

Take It Easy
September 20, 2007

You know the one time you don’t want to hear that is when you can’t. 🙂 We are getting ready to move and have been helping others a lot recently and yesterday I had some light spotting in the middle of a busy day. I called the nurse today and she told me that as long as it wasn’t a lot of bleeding that I just needed to take it easy for the next few days. It was all I could do not to laugh at her. You know that “I’m going crazy” kind of laugh! That’s the one. 🙂

I have decided that maybe just packing up the kitchen and clothes today would be taking it easy? I’ll leave heavy stuff for Jer to deal with tonight but the clock’s a tickin!

Yesterday morning I got sick again, not the cold but morning sickness. Apparently it turns into morning sickness for me at the 19th week? I was sick this morning again. I really would love to be over this. I do have to share something with you (it’s TMI but deal with it), a chocolate protein shake for breakfast is a GREAT idea when you might be sick after. Comes up easily and doesn’t leave a bad taste in your mouth. Just for all you other preggo’s.

GREAT news is that the past few days I’ve been able to feel little Uno moving from the outside of my tummy! Jeremy is never around when it’s hard enough that he might be able to feel it but hopefully soon he will be. There is no way to describe feeling something move inside you like that. It’s amazing and truly makes me happy. I’m sure I’ll get sick of it but right now it’s my own little miracle. I never thought we’d make it this far and I can’t thank the Lord enough for this blessing!

17 Weeks
September 4, 2007

Tomorrow I’ll be 17 weeks along.  I haven’t felt the baby move for at least a week and it has me a little worried.  I’ve also been much more emotional recently than I would like to be.  Depression is something I’ve had to deal with before in my life and it seems to be roaring it’s ugly head in full force right now.  I wish it would go away.  Makes you feel very hopeless.

I Hate Yeast
August 2, 2007

I am warning everyone this blog will be TMI but I don’t care, I need to vent!


Yeast infections are no fun alone, but when you are already not keen about putting anything ‘up there’ and you have to start using Monistat and on top of that you are still doing Progesterone suppositories, life takes an ugly turn. I’m wondering if the yeast infection will ever actually clear up with all this garbage ‘up there’. I’ve now started to have some spotting again that I can only assume is from the walls of my whoo haa being all irritated that icky gooey things keep getting stuck ‘up there’. I’m going to give it till tomorrow and if there is no real improvement in the yeast department or if the bleeding gets worse I’m calling my Dr.

I hate my whoo haa right now.

Bladder… Leave Me Alone
July 31, 2007

I woke up in the middle of the night last night for the first time.  I tried to ignore it but my bladder was YELLING at me.  I’m not a big fan of having to get up when I want to be sleeping.  I had heard about this from other women but I have never experienced it.  I’m hoping it’s not something that happens every night.  I’d like to stockpile my sleep for the next 6 months since I know I won’t be sleeping after Uno is born.

I decided to pick up an 8 hour shift today.  I got up around 7am and if I thought I was over the whole morning sickness thing, I was WRONG.  It’s been one long shift so far.  At least I’m half way done.  I’m determined to make it through the whole shift.  I’m drinking Ginger Ale and praying I can keep down that raisin toast I just ate!

Scented Candles Anyone?
July 17, 2007

The power went out the other evening.  It was just during sunset and I didn’t expect it to last hours so I was lazy about finding candles.  Next thing I know I’m scrambling all over the apartment to find every candle I have.  It was gross, all I had was scented ones.  Of course they were the ones I didn’t really like when I WASN’T pregnant.  Add on that lovely pregnancy sense of smell and I was gagging for a while!  I was one of the lucky ones (thanks to a basement apt.) that had the A/C on when the power went off so I just didn’t open any doors and windows till it came back on.

On the Pregnancy side of life, I’ve been doing really well.  Not sick nearly as often as I have been in weeks previously.  It still happens throughout the day but it’s not 24-7 so I’m a happy camper.  My stomach seems to have tapered off too with no new growth recently.  Part of me is worried about all this but on the other hand I’ve not had any cramping or bleeding so I’m assuming the little baby is doing great.